夢日記

3/17

This week sucked. Well it only just began but I know its going to be terrible. Im so behind in school, well not really school just math. Normally if I am behind in a subject it is not so difficult for me to catch up since I don't really struggle in any of my other courses but Im really bad at calculus. I have no idea why I did the excelled course last year. I just don't want to fail. I want at least a C.

Track is fine as a sport, but my friends have been so annoying about it. I don't really like my friends. I guess that is a pretty terrible thing to say, but I can't take it anymore. I don't like being around them because everytime I say something I worry they're just going to talk behind my back and make fun of me. I try to tell myself I don't care but I typically don't care if others talk behind my back because I have my "friends", but what am I suppose to do when it is my friends making fun on me? Talking to them is pointless because they'll just make fun on me behind my back,which is the main problem. I really cannot wait until college but what if they same thing happen? Is this even normal. I know 3 of them have a groupchat called "Hateful Buddies" where they just talk about us (The people who aren't in the groupchat), I am assuming. Of course I am also guilty because I do talk behind their backs, but at least most of the thing I say, I say it to their face.

It is also difficult to approach them because they never think they're in the wrong. Anytime something happens, even if it is completly reasonable they just cannot accept that they're in the wrong. I feel like they bully me sometimes. They'll make up a lie and tell me and when I find out it is a lie they label it as a "joke" or they're just rage bating. Why are you rage baiting me? Of course it is ok sometimes but every single day just makes it feel like bullying. And whenever I try to say "I can't tell when you do it" they blame me and never apologize. Why should I have to figure out if everything you say is rage baiting. Whenever I get annoyed at leave, they get mad at me. Would you rather me just stay there and be mad at you? Can I even be mad at you? I guess not because every single thing has to go your way. The whole group is justvfull of lying a manipulation. No matter how hard I try to make them change they won't listen to me. I wish I never found out they talked behind my back, this is just adding on to a bunch of other worries I have. I just hate being around them. I hate myself when I am around them.